How It Started

There is this instant connection that I thought only existed in movies and novels but it is real. 

The absolute convergence of two separate souls, braiding into one, in a split second of eye contact. 

It felt just like a moment of suspended reality, the room becoming a tunnel of just him and I. Nothing else existed and nothing else needed to. 

I knew at that moment that something was different, but I was mean, and I knew he was meaner. 

We carried on with or less than pleasant lives separately for months, conversing only when we had to. Our manager started to schedule us together once a week, for only three to four hours. Every moment spent together behind the counter of our mediocre gas station was suddenly a little less awful, and a little more fun. We we're both dismissive and standoffish, but we laughed, and smiled, and more often than not smoked way too much pot to be useful. We clicked as cashiers, we made an excellent team, and we left it at that, coexisting. 

Fast forwarding to the end of November, we we're working, everything was less than ok for me, I had left my abusive boyfriend of three years just a week earlier. I was sad, and angry, I hadn't slept in days, and I hadn't eaten in longer. I was in one hell of a mood. Ready to fight and ready to cut anyone down for anything and everything. I didn't need a reason and I didn't want one either.

I tried to laugh and smile with Quin anyway.

We started to "spit shit" about the people around us like we had always done. I was starting to feel better about everything around me, As soon as my anger had all but left me,, my ex came into the gas station. I was feeling as "ok" about it as I could, gritting my teeth as Quin rang in his pack of Marlboro's, and grinding them as he asked me about something that I can't remember. Then he was gone, and I was fine. 

A few minutes later, after a bit of analyzing, Quin told me that he had never seen two people act so pleasantly toward one another after a break up and he "bet we'd be back together soon."

Rage hit me in that moment harder than any person ever had or ever could, I wanted nothing more than to spit every drop of venom from my mouth directly into his face. I wanted to hit, and kick, and scream, and cut him down for not understanding that I had spent the last three years in Hell, and how hard it was for me to get out. To let him know that is was gut-wrenching for me that he assumed that I would ever go back now that i was gone. But I couldn't.

I had been hurt, very hurt, but I didn't want to hurt him back. That was new to me. I was all but famous or hurting people far worse than they could ever hurt me. Instead I told him that he was upsetting me, but I wasn't going to yell at him, and I wasn't going to get mad. I just need him to know that he was hurting me.

Quintin reacted poorly, with anger, and he asked very sharply, "What makes you think I give a fuck about your feelings?' 

Before The Beginning

Late summer, I was working as an assistant manager at a gas station in our hometown, I was angry, depressed, lonely and a heavy pot smoker. 

Quintin was working at the same gas station as the "weekend midnight attendant", he was angry, depressed, lonely, and a heavy pot smoker. 

Up until this point, Quin and I had led very similar lives. Spinning doors, revolving around absent fathers and mothers who worked too much forcing us to become self-sufficient way too early, learning quickly how to care for ourselves and our siblings. We learned depression and stress and real anger before other kids could tie their shoes. We learned how to lie, and steal, and cheat before other kids could pour their own cereal. We were smoking and chewing and making money in unconventional ways before the children around us knew that those things existed. 

We grew up poor, so we grew up fast. Fighting for everything we had, and everything we didn't. Fighting life, fighting love, fighting fear, and people too. 

This is how we met; tired, angry, high, and ready to fight anyone who glanced at us in a negative way. 

I had known about Quintin for a long time, he ad always been intriguing to me, I saw myself inside of him. But I was mean, and I knew he was meaner. 

It would be years before we would really meet, and even longer before we were forced to converse. 

When it happened, I promise you that nothing in the world had ever been so great. Nothing had ever been more important.

Quick Post

Hi everyone! My name is Logan, and my fiance Quintin and I have one hell of a story to tell you, with no end in sight. Run-of-the-mill lives, a dramatic love story, drug abuse, disappointment, and the adventure of a life time. So lean your seat back and put your feet on the dash, here we go!