Please Don't Leave

Day 3ish. Heavy on the ish.

Three days into "hanging out with Quintin, I caved. even though I had told him I need some time between relationships, I just couldn't wait any longer and I told him I was ready to tart dating.

So we did.

The three days following that were fast, and dramatic. He kept telling me that something Very important was going to happen on Monday, but he couldn't tell me what it was until he was sure himself.

I was confused and worried. I though for sure I would lose him, just like that, in the blink of an eye. I didn't know if he was going to jail, if he was moving away, if he was running away. I wasn't sure if I would be a part of whatever Monday had to bring, or if I could be a part of it. so I kept worrying, and asking, and guessing, and letting myself jump to conclusions, and worrying,

We spent the next 36 hours together, no sleeping, no eating, just time,

And when Monday finally made an appearance, and I had gone to work, belly angry with nervousness, unsure if I'd ever see him again as I left  my apartment, to tired to deal with whatever it was that day was going to bring me I just trusted. Trusted that he would tell me what was happening at 3, like he promised, trusted that he would be there at 5 for his shift, trusted that I wouldn't lose him.

I tried my best to wait for him, but 3 passed and so did 4. I hadn't heard from him all day. suddenly it was quarter to 5 and he wasn't there, he hadn't called, he hadn't texted, hope was escaping me quickly.
Had he been arrested? Did he crash his car? Was he dead? Was someone else dead? Thoughts racing a million and a half miles an hour through my head, too fast for me to keep up. Was he safe? I had no idea where he was going when he left my apartment and I had no idea where he was now.

I couldn't wait any longer, I asked our boss if she knew where he was or what he was doing, why he was late for work, surely she would know, and she did.

She told me that Quin was trying to join the military.

My heart hit the wall as if it had been shot from my chest with a cannon, my mouth was speechless but my head and my heart had a lot to say.

Fuck him. Fuck him for making me fall in love with him when he just planned on cutting out anyways. Fuck him and fuck the military and fuck him for not just telling me. 

It felt as if I had never been angrier, ready to fight him as soon as he walked in the door for managing to absolutely break my heart in less than a week.

I wasn't going to let him go, I'd die first.

After I had a little time to cool down I remembered that we had only been together for a few days at this point and it was absolutely none of my business what he did. Regardless of how I felt it was his life If he wanted to leave, if he had to, that was his, not mine, but I promise I wasn't going to stick around to watch him die. I couldn't.

As soon as he walked in the door and I saw him, raw, stressed, tired and probably nervous, he tried to tell me what was going on but I already knew, and I was already hurt. He looked at me as I tried to walk away from him and he said "If the military means we can't be together, I won't go, just let me know."

I knew right then that he was mine, and I refused to lose him to the military or anyone else, and I wouldn't make him face anything on his own again. If he wanted to join the military, I guess I'd just have to do it with him.

I decided in an instant that I would do anything and everything for or with him, I'd stand behind him in every decision he made from now until the end of time.